Reframe Negative Self-talk

10 Ways to add productive thinking throughout your day

When I began researching the content for this blog post I kept running into familiar descriptive words written by well-meaning wellness gurus and even psychologists. Here’s a few of them:

Overcome
Banish
Conquer
Eliminate
Get rid of
Change

What do all of these words mean? They might be an attempt to control the constant yammering in your head – and we all have it. Sometimes the talk is productive and sometimes it goes around in circles never accomplishing anything and even being counterproductive or destructive. First, before we figure out the 3 ways to reframe self-talk, let’s look at what is behind your internal brain dialogue that sometimes turns into a dripping faucet. The thing is, self-talk makes us human.

What exactly is self-talk anyway? And who says it has to be positive or negative?

Have you ever tried to watch a pot of water boil? It seems like it takes longer than sitting in traffic. At least if you’re sitting in traffic, you can listen to a podcast or some new tunes. If you try to stop thoughts from popping up in your head, it’s like trying to swat every mosquito at the lake in July. As soon as you get rid of one, here comes another, and another, and it never stops. And then, before you know it, all you are thinking about is chasing mosquitoes instead of enjoying your day at the lake and cruising around on your stand-up paddleboard. That’s the basic recipe for mindfulness – observation without judgment, control, or trying to modify something that you’re thinking about.

Thoughts don’t have to be positive or negative, they just exist. You don’t have to control them either, they can just be present and you can let them go. Humans have an uncanny ability to attach so much meaning to thoughts. The meaning is attached because we were told things as children that we believed. Sometimes those meanings are helpful and true – and sometimes they are untrue stories that we end up believing. We then retell those untrue stories over and over again in our self-talk. We are really good at it too. We ruminate, conjur up stories, and reinforce beliefs that someone told us when we were young. We were unintentionally programmed.

James Creighton, PhD. says in an article published in Psychology Today, “Most of our self-talk consists of beliefs programmed into us when we were children. We heard these beliefs so often, or in such emotionally intense situations, that now we believe them and repeat them to ourselves whenever the occasion arises.”

Creighton also says that most self-talk is helpful, such as “don’t touch a hot stove” but “other self-talk undermines us and keeps us from fully experiencing parts of our personality”. Your inner voice might say things like:

I’m never good at X
I don’t have time for this
They won’t listen to me
Every time I try X, I fail
I’m just too busy to do something
I don’t have the right skills
I can’t figure it out so I’m just not going to do it
Nobody cares
No one will notice

Self-talk is neither Positive nor Negative

But, it is capable of being untrue, closed off, and unproductive. There are plenty of themes out there putting a positive and negative spin on thoughts. Be positive! Don’t be a pessimist! That may seem insurmountable to many people, especially if you’re under stress or have a full plate of responsibilities that are keeping you from seeing the glass half-full in life. Let’s look at these three dimensions, untrue statements, closed-off statements, and unproductive thoughts.

Untrue thoughts

If something isn’t true, then it is a belief that you were told sometime in your past that either doesn’t exist currently in your life now or it never belonged to you in the first place. For example, when I was young, I failed a math test in elementary school. A teacher told me “You’re just not good at math”. Guess who dropped College Algebra four times? Yep, yours truly. I was so afraid of math and believed I couldn’t do it, that I literally couldn’t do it. I had to take a career math class in culinary school and had so much anxiety that I couldn’t sleep at night. I felt like a failure. Then a math teacher took the time to explain the most basic algebraic concepts to me and I could see the math puzzle unwinding. I made an A in that class, and it made sense to me. A teacher told me I couldn’t do something and I spent 35 years telling myself I definitely couldn’t do it, until someone challenged me to change my belief. We ruminate these “untruths” constantly in our self-talk. They shape our perception of our abilities and talents.

Closed-off statements

When you reach a dead end, it limits opportunities. You stop. Dead. in. your. tracks. You become stifled, maybe stagnant, and definitely bored and frustrated with life. Humans need change – it’s what keeps us thinking, growing, and evolving. We were not put on Earth to do the same thing every day, day in and day out. We often have thoughts that are limiting. “I’m not going to get any better at X”. or “I don’t know where to find any information.” What do these statements have in common?

There’s no stretch. In order to grow we have to stretch, expand, reach, and attempt – even if failure is a possibility. When we fear failure, we limit ourselves to the routine. It could be said that many sources of stress, anxiety, and depression can be related to not setting new goals and achieving lifelong learning or growth. Humans crave change, diversity, challenges, and stimulation. We are hard-wired to seek out new things.

Observe closed-off statements when they are created in your thoughts. What do they mean? How can you reframe stagnant thoughts into opportunities? Where is the stretch that is possible in a frustrated thought?

Unproductive thinking

William Gibson once said, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes”. Sometimes situations, and people, just suck. It’s tough to be a human and always keep your feelings in check and your chakras aligned and all that stuff that we’re supposed to do in 2023. Hey, I have a hard time remembering when my neighborhood trash day is.

Unproductive thoughts are the head bleeps that pop-off like bad song lyrics which never lead anywhere fruitful. They just exist and we can choose to go down those rabbit holes and ruminate on them or we can move on. We all know the bad side of unproductive thought patterns – think trolls on the YouTube comments section. If you want to waste some brain cells, then, read those. Actually, please don’t.

So how do we keep our thinking Productive instead?

10 Ways to add productive thinking throughout your day:

Gratitude – the rule of 3 – Every morning think of 3 things you are grateful for. Watch a really cool video link below on rewiring your brain’s thoughts (4 minutes).
Surround yourself with optimistic and creative people
Check yourself – as soon as you notice an unproductive thought – shelve it
Stretch Goals – make a list of 5 stretch goals that would be really challenging, but would be impactful in your life
Laugh – humor is good for the soul
Movement – exercise puts perspective on tough situations and helps you weather the storms of life
List of untruths. Journal or make a list of the untrue statements that you believe or say to yourself that someone else gave you. How can you reframe them?
Learn – Pick something new each week, quarter, and year to challenge yourself and re-imagine closed-off thinking
Drop perfectionism – holding yourself to unrealistic standards and expectations increases stress and unproductive self-talk
Try – even if you fail. When you fail, you create a way forward. It can be said that failure is the beginning of real change and evolution.

Sources and Further Exploration

Your Brain is wired for negative thoughts – here’s how to change it YouTube (4 minute video)

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

Constantly Down on Yourself? How To Stop Negative Self-Talk The Cleveland Clinic Article

Change your self talk Psychology Today

Positive thinking stop negative self-talk to reduce stress Mayo Clinic

Rewrite your mind by Dr. Bruce Lipton Psych-K treatment and workshops YouTube